How The Democrats Are Helping Dubya Get Re-Elected

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I never thought I'd be one to write this, but: Thank you, John Kerry.

Thank you for concentrating your campaign on the issue where President Bush is the strongest, and for insisting that his most obvious success came from a road you would not choose to take .

Thank you for reminding America that you would demand that America get World permission before defending itself against Terrorists, whom you equate with misdemeanor crimes like Prostitution and Gambling.

Thank you for reminding us in the Primaries that the World, Iraq, and America are all safer with Saddam captured, then throwing away that position in the General Election to claim that somehow we would be safer with Saddam in power.

Thank you for admitting that you think Human Rights are "given by our courts", rather than God or our own existence.

Thank you for displaying your boorish condescension of Mary Cheney to the nation on television, attempting to demean her and her family in order to insinuate a prejudice that they do not exhibit, but you and your running mate displayed repeatedly.

Thank you for never elucidating a clear explanation of your policies and positions.

Thank you for demonstrating that while you claim to represent the average man, your idea of the average man is a fellow who hunts deer on his belly with a shotgun, who can afford weekend jaunts to the coast for windsurfing at a private resort, who hates successful people and doesn't mind more taxes, and who botoxes his face and paints it orange in the belief that he looks more natural that way.

Thank you for being so thin-skinned, you over-react to every reasonable examination of your record.

Thank you for letting yourself be connected to thugs like Michael Moore and MoveOn.org, and for showing your true character in your treatment of the men assigned for your protection.

There was a time, Senator, where you really did have a chance at winning the White House. Thank you for throwing that chance away, and insuring that George W. Bush will be re-elected.