Thursday, January 26, 2006

Jack Bauer Revealed?

[ <> ]

Back on January 19th, I asked readers to name who is the “Jack Bauer of the Blogosphere”. I set the following conditions:

1. He’s male. Sorry ladies, but this gun-toting, do-what-a-patriot’s-gotta-do guy is focused testosterone. This ain’t Siegfried and Roy, this ain’t Dr. Phil, and any woman pulling the kind of stuff we see Bauer doing in “24″ would look more like “Xena” than a counter-terrorism agent.
2. He’s decisive. No one who can be connected to a focus group or committee need apply.
3. He’s not PC. Bauer does what is required, and is not subtle about it.
4. Despite being violent a lot, Bauer is not crazy or bloodthirsty. He does what is necessary, but holds his fire, and is willing to let even terrorists live if they surrender. That rules out DU or Daily Kos, even if they could accept being on the same side as Bauer.
5. Bauer is in such deep cover, most people think he’s dead. Talk about controlling your ego. That rules out Rush, most talk show hosts and columnists, and anyone who has voluntarily appeared on Leno or Letterman.
6. Bauer knows guns. And uses them often. This rules out anyone from the State Department or the United Nations, or their advocates.
7. Bauer is indestructible. In a previous season, Bauer freaking died, someone got his heart started again and by the end of the episode Bauer was kicking bad guys in the groin as hard as ever.
8. Bauer always knows what’s about to happen. As a result, he has a few seconds to plan his actions, which only appear to be impossible.
9. Bauer trusts the right people. He instinctively knows the traitors and low-lifes, but depends on the ones he knows are stand-up.
10. Bauer gets results. Compromise is useless.

I ruled out Hugh Hewitt from the start for being a lawyer, and I have to re-rule him out again, because he claimed to have Jack Bauer on his radio show. This proves Hugh is not Jack, for 2 additional reasons:

1. Jack Bauer does not have time for interviews, nor would a man with his cover want the publicity.
2. If by some quirk in the universe Hewitt really was interviewing Bauer, then by the fact that Hewitt was interviewing Bauer, Hewitt could not be Bauer. And don’t say Hewitt was pretending to be himself and Bauer; Jack Bauer does not talk to himself.

When the qualified candidates were tallied, twenty-two valid names were submitted. In alphabetical order, they are (special BTDT props to those who have ‘been there, done that’):

Ace, regular commenter on this site
Allahpundit, 'Link Mecca'
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, ‘The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler’
Bill Roggio, ‘The Fourth Rail’, BTDT
Bill Whittle, ‘Eject!Eject!Eject!’ , BTDT
Blackfive, ‘Blackfive’ BTDT
Charles Johnson, ‘Little Green Footballs’
Chris Muir, author of ‘Day by Day’
Dafydd AbHugh, ‘Big Lizards’
Ernie@EHOWA, ‘The Daily Grind’
Frank J, ‘IMAO
Froggy, ‘Froggy Ruminations’, BTDT
Jack Risko, ‘Dinocrat
Kim du Toit, ‘RadioActive Chief’
Lumpy, ‘Lump On A Blog’
Mark Steyn, columnist and author
Michael Yon, “Michael Yon: Online Magazine
Polipundit, ‘Polipundit'
R.D. Currie, ‘Centurion’, BTDT
Reverse Vampyr, ‘Reverse Vampyr’
Rick Moran, ‘Rightwing Nuthouse’
Victor David Hanson, ‘vdh Private Papers’

I figure everyone nominated gets their CTU ID and a nice Glock for the honor. The 'BTDT' vets get full-auto rifles. But in the end, only three people got more than two nominations, so our finalists are


The Rottweiler, and

Michael Yon.

The floor is open to debate among those final three. And since all three are distinguished, please mention who the two who do not get your nod for ‘Jack Bauer’ would be. I, for example, consider myself the “Felix Leiter of the Blogosphere”.

And for my votes, I vote

Michael Yon as “Jack Bauer of the Blogosphere”

Rottweiler as “Darth Vader of the Blogosphere”

Ace as “Detective John McClane of the Blogosphere”

You’re up.

No comments: