Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Computer Error Leads to False Alarm in Rome

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Vatican Conclave - The Vatican intended to ensure that the Conclave to select the next Pope, would have secrecy enforced by the latest technology, but that technology almost led to a surprise Pontiff.

White smoke poured from the Conclave chimney today, bringing cheers from crowds of hopeful Catholics. But a little while later, the smoke turned black.

Sources within the Conclave were unwilling to speak at first, but after it became obvious they needed to explain the mix in smoke, a Vatican spokesman explained that the first ballot, rather than using scrip, was by computer, and Whitey Herzog, the former Manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, was selected to be the next Pontiff.

“It’s not as strange as it sounds.” the source protested, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Whitey is a Cardinal, he’s got a lot of experience, he’s been pretty successful and is also very popular.

“However, Mr. Herzog declined, so we had to send out the black smoke.”


Vatican officials could not confirm that the Vatican, considering installing a black pope, is considering Ozzie Smith on the next ballot.

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