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Washington (DC) – In a nod to the new order at the White House following last week’s interception and removal of Harriet Miers, Special Judicial Authority David Frum recommended the nomination of Samuel Alito to the United States Supreme Court, after consultations with Federal Justice Inquisitor Ann Coulter and Supreme Nomination Reviewer George Will.
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist shrugged when asked if Senate Confirmation hearings will even be held. “The people who give the OK have already done so,” he explained, “but we may hold hearings, so Schumer and Reid don’t blow a gasket.”
Early indications that Alito would make it through the Frum-Coulter-Will gauntlet were promising, as none of the Deciding Three Who Speak For The Movement compared Alito to a low-level service employee, mocked his law school, or compared Alito’s appearance to any sort of farm animal. Rumors that Alito had to sign a Loyalty Oath to the DTWSFTM could not be confirmed, although there were unconfirmed reports that Alito was shining shoes belonging to the three shortly before the press conference.
In a related story, President Bush will be allowed to make speeches and present nominees, provided they are pre-screened for acceptable content, and for the time being Bush will also be allowed to reside in the White House and use Air Force One, especially for Republican fund-raisers. Laura Bush, however, remains on a sort of secret probation, and reportedly has been warned to pay more attention to the “right sort” of Conservative opinion.