The Mahdi Wanna-Be Ploy Of The Month

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Say you’re the psychotic leader of a nation chock full of psychotic fanatics. I mean, your mentor was the Ayatollah Khomeini, a man who looked like he’d want to have people stoned for not praying fervently enough, and the standard lackey in your government is a fedayeen washout. Just shouting “Death to America!” is not going to be enough; you got three year olds doing that already on their way to daycare. And if you want to turn that ‘Mahdi’ jones you have into anything more than a Muslim wet dream, you need to deal with the US. Sure you’re nuts, but you are not stupid enough to think that President George W. Bush is going to let you start beating down other Middle East nations, to say nothing of attacking Israel, so you have to figure out what you’re going to do about the POTUS. Unlike Democrats and more than a few pansy-style Republicans, you understand he’s serious about securing the Middle East from loons like you. So you write a letter. Say, about 18 pages, which ignores the issues between you and the United States but goes on and on about how you see the world situation.

From Ahmadinejad’s point of view, it’s a no-lose situation. Most people see things from a culture-centric perspective, and so they fail to see the attendant objectives to the actions of the Jihadist leader. Dar-al-Islam is the game for these guys, and that focuses on the Middle East. While Ahmadinejad would love to see the world dominated by Islam, he knows he has to first build a regional hegemony, and that means getting ahead of Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and Jordan on the street. For all its trite hyperbole, the Arab “street” is real and a valid barometer for their political course. Iran, formally called ‘Persia’, has a real Superiority Complex working as a nation historically, and most Middle East nations have a bone or four to pick with Iran, which works against following the lead of Ahmadinejad in a Jihad. For all the hype from Al-Jazeera, most of the Middle East couldn’t give a squirt about whether Israel exists, let along work up the anger to want to destroy the nation that provides a significant chunk of the world’s food, entertainment, and military protection. So Job One is making yourself ‘team captain’ of the Jihad Squad.

So then, what is Mad Mad Mahmoud up to? It’s like this: He sends a letter to President Bush, which could be quite literally anything – for all I know he sent 18 pages of doodles from the last time he had a vision from God – and Mahdi boy says he’s asked for discussions with President Bush. If Bush laughs in his face, Mahdi Wanna can claim that he was trying to make peace, and claim a moral advantage. If Bush sends envoys to take up Mahdi Manic on his proposal, even just to present a make-nice image, then Ahmadinejad will present himself as a man that the Americans treat as an equal, something uncommon for your average unstable maniac. It also feeds that capacious ego Ahmadinejad has. We’re talking here about a man who not only believes he’s on a mission from God, he’s clearly been studying Mein Kampf and applying it liberally to his own plans. Blame everything on Israel when he speaks to his own people, and promise its obliteration, check. Tell America all he wants is to be reasonable, check. Prepare ghastly weapons while loudly protesting his innocence, check. He’s even starting to look like the little Corporal when he gives speeches, although even Herr Schicklegruber never went so far as to claim that when he spoke, he had a glowing aura and no one could blink, much less fail to pay attention to his every word.

The question here is what response to the United States should make to this guy? If I were the President , I would immediately release the text of that letter to the public; let them know exactly what is being said. I would respond publicly to Ahmadinejad by way of a televised address to the American people, asking Congress for a policy of regime change on the basis of Iran’s pursuit of nuclear weapons, the brutal nature of the Iranian police state and its suppression of protest, and the subsidy by Iran of terrorists entering and operating in Iraq. Like the Regime Change in Iraq declaration passed in 1998, I would leave out specifics at this time, but it would lay the groundwork for whatever future action is necessary, and send a clear shot across the bow to Iran. As for the original letter itself, I would make use of it the next time I needed a toilet, and then send that letter back to Ahmadinejad.