In the name of Allah the Most Compassionate – except to infidels and apostates – we are gathered here to read the last will of our brother Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who was brutally cornered and killed by the Crusader Fajarah. I read from the will, written in Abu’s own hand – this is strange ink?
- Brother Zarqawi found it useful to write in blood, Alim –
Ah. So, to continue. Abrar Abu writes, and so I read to you his disposition of his worldly possessions to you his friends and fellow Auliya.
“I, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, being of sound doctrine and sharp knife, hereby bequeath my goods to my friends and confidants.
“To my good friend Muhammad Atef, I leave my prized mortars and machine guns”
- Sorry, but he is dead already –
Ah. Well, this happens. Brother Zarqawi must have seen this as possible, for he writes,
“If Muhammad does not live to receive this blessing, then the mortars and machine guns are to go to my close friend Abu Zubaydah”
- The Fasiqun Iraqi army betrayed him to the infidels, and he was caught. Besides, the mortars and machine guns were destroyed in a Yankee ambush weeks ago. -
Pity. Well, no matter, we must continue.
“To my brother Abu Hamza Rabia, whose leadership has advanced the cause –“
-They blew him up-
OK … “To Midhat Mursi, my close confidant and ally-“
- The Iblis Americans struck him down with a Ghaib werapon, that ‘predator’ of theirs -
That is Muttaqun! Well, there is no help for it …“To Kareen Altohami Mojata-“
- The Khabith Iraqi police shot him –
By the Sahaba, this is evil news!
“To Haithem al-Yemeni, who is too skillful for any enemy to find”
- Except the Qabiluhu ‘predator’; he’s dead too.
“Saud Homood Obaid Otaibi?”
– Shot by the police -
– Baghdad raid, killed by the Iraqi military -
Aiiiiiiiee! Who is left then?
- Us three, plus what Ahmadinejad and al-Assad send across the border –
That is all?
- It does not matter. We have all but run out of weapons, anyway, the foreign bastards will not share their tools with us anymore. –
What is there to do?
- We must depend on Allah, and on our greatest allies among men. -
You mean we should call on Osama?
- No, he is dead long ago, and the man playing him on the tapes is getting tired and frightened.-
Who then is our side?
- We have many friends left. This “Michael Moore”, the New York and Los Angeles Times, and of course Al-Jazeera and CBS. And we have heard that there are many asses working for our victory. -
Why would they do this?
- (shrugs) They all hate George W. Bush, and they hate America. This seems to be what unites us. -
Insh’Allah, we must do what we can. Well, that reminds me, we need a briefing. Tune in CNN, will you?