Thoughts Passed on to Me

1. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get off your rear and open the door.
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I am pretty sure I did not make any changes to.
13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Drat it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
16. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
18. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
20. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
21. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
22. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
23. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
24. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
25. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
26. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
27. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
28. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my last nickel everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

President Puffery

I’m not a fan of Domino’s Pizza, but they have a commercial running which I do like. They have a guy standing in front of a courthouse, and they mention a suit they claim to have brought against Papa John’s Pizza. To hear the Domino’s people, when confronted with claims they made on television, their attorneys said their advertisements were “puffery”. The Domino’s people went on to explain that the word means ” a statement classified as an opinion, not fact, that no reasonable person would take literally.” Yeah, that brought up visions of President Pony-in-the-Pile.

Let’s take NASA, for example. Seems that the President who never saw an expansion of government he did not like, made an exception when it comes to protecting America’s investment in space exploration and technological innovation. Of course, he made a few statements that bugged the heck out of real pioneers and heroes in the space program, so Waffles backed up and allowed as how he was just “refocusing” NASA’s mission. Hinted at an extra shuttle mission to keep some Kennedy jobs and plugged some things into other projects just so he could say he cared, but made sure that the Johnson Space Center got the shaft. That and everything else in Texas.

Eventually, it even dawned on President I-Love-Me that being so obviously anti-Texas was not the wisest course, since so much of NASA depends on the JSC staff and facilities. So, President I-Won-Dammit promised that man would go to Mars in his lifetime. Apparently, Obama means someone from China or Russia, because his budget has no provision at all for a lunar flight, let alone a Mars mission. But President Oprah has never been one to depend on facts when speechifying a vision. Why, simply getting elected solved Global Warming, Nuclear Weapons and World Hunger, or why else did Obama get a Nobel Peace Prize? The fact that he not only has no plans whatsoever that could even remotely be said to lead to a Mars Mission, along with the chainsaw act on NASA’s budget and staffing, make it quite plain that President OneTermPlease is simply blowing his bilge in public again.

The lesson to take from the Mars Mission Lie, er, puffery, is that no promise made by Obama should ever be taken seriously. Public debate on all bills? Tax cuts for everyone making less than a quarter-mill? Spending that Trillion on genuine needs for the nation? Actually listening to anyone but His Inflatulence? Please. This is a guy who makes Joe Isuzu look like Abe Lincoln for integrity.

I can’t say I’m inclined to buy a pizza from Domino’s, but at least they pegged the Con Artist in Chief. However inadvertently.